Feeling Feelings That Aren’t Mine

Feeling feelings that aren’t mine 

They’re stored within, I know 

Look into my eyes

Listen, watch me grow 

Watch me sow the seeds I can 

Watch me do so without a plan 

If my grandma were on land 

She’d lift her heavy hand 

She’d raise me by my feet 

With the sun, my nose would meet 

If my grandma lived down the street 

If only she was never hurt, abused, or addicted 

If only she had reached 60 

If only 

I had a bad day today 

Do you know how much that means? 

My life was better than ever 

Or at least that’s what it’d seemed 

Hypomanic maybe 

A little bit of the past 

Today I thought about how 

My mom would beat my ass 

How my grandma threw a frying pan at her daughter 

How my mom dropped out of school 

How I was only 16 years old 

How I followed every rule 

It doesn’t and didn’t matter 

If I did what I was told 

I never did believe that 

I’d ever grow old 

Now here I am 

Tail tucked between my legs 

Now here I am 

I was an egg within an egg 

I never thought I’d hear my grandma 

At least not by choice 

I never again will hear that woman 

Though I remember her voice 

“Mani this, Mani that”

(How many times can you say Mani fast?)

My grandma always loved me 

Guess that skipped a generation 

I grew up in the hood 

Unkept vegetation 

I trust my grandma! 

She always gives me what I need 

Lest I forget 

She taught me how to read