I Just Want To Have Kids

I just want to have kids 

But for a week per month 

Tears fall from my eyelids 

I am just so sad 

I have so much despair 

I am just so sad 

Can’t you see it in my hair? 

Why is life so unfair? 

I just want to create more 

Use my body to its potential 

Release my pelvic floor 

I want to create from within 

I want that ultimate command 

I want to create from within, 

but I don’t have a plan 

I can’t take a stand 

against myself— oh well! 

I can’t take a stand 

I might go to hell

Put me on a shelf 

Leave me to dust 

Put me on a shelf 

Never remember who I was 

I want to be a mother, 

but I’m sad and crazy sometimes 

I want to be a mother, 

but my mind I can’t deny 

I’m alright inside, 

but the bad spills over 

Every time I get better 

I give myself the cold shoulder 

I give up I sit down 

I look around & wonder where everyone went 

I look to my bank account… 

Don’t know how it’s all spent 

I’m sick 

I need help 

& help & help again 

I’m so, so sick 

I wish I had a best friend 

I wish I could pretend that 

I’d be a good mother and that 

I wish I could pretend but then 

my childhood’s up for bat 

How am I different than my mother? 

How am I the same? 

Can I really be that different?

We share the same last name 

I write this with pain 

I want to better than those 

who came before me 

I need to stay in one place 

long enough to make a story 

But all I have are poems 

Short glimpses of my past 

I want to be a mother 

Is that too much to ask?